rants of a cheenaman.

Finality.

2007-08-11T18:57:00.000+08:00

I will no longer be publishing here, as i seek a fresh start. If anybody is interested, drop me a line @ garyngjb@hotmail.com

the first cut, is the deepest.

2007-07-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

3 weeks left till the end of my first semester! and then the long awaited holidays! not to mention the trip to HongKong with my friends!
while i'm sure nobody visits this forsaken blog anymore, i'll attempt to explain the extended hiatus to myself, just so i'll post in something now and then. one of the main reasons i don't blog anymore, because having to do a reflective journal 5 days a week for school is bad enough! i write not for pleasure, but to release all the pent up frustration built up. which explains the mostly angsty entries. i've also been preoccupied with school among other things.
i've done some self reflection lately, and numerous matters, i can see clearly now. i'm going to follow a new set of principals and values, see how they work out. wish me luck.

my thoughts run wild, as the sun sets and the light fades.

vertigo.

2007-05-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

I may have slept the past 15 months away, just in one night.
Seemingly, ache has left me.
Though, the memories linger, they haunt.
Need to feel happy again,
Don't wanna be angry and bitter.
Get away, Get away from it all.
Maybe things will change,
Maybe things will remain the same,
What the future holds?
I can't wait.

cringe-worthy.

2006-11-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

oooohhh yeah. cue drumroll, girls dancing, and i make a grand entrance. this place has been rather quiet nowadays. i've been.. lazy. or afraid. i used to have plenty of.. things. i call it things. some call it opinions. sometimes its just plain rantin. but anyway.

a lot of me has been hiding. contemplating. trying to see the world through my eyes. the pair which are stil learning, growing. of late i have really seen some eye openers. how immensely jacked up people can be when they are under stress.

how would you feel if someone u considered a friend stabbed you in the back, while you were watching his? shitty i'd bet.

anyway. shitty reminds me of something. recently i've had some rather minor health problems. for those of you medically inclined, you might already have guessed. for those less fortunate, i had piles. they're like blisters, but up your arse. i had blood coming outta my stool for 2 weeks.
finally i couldnt ignore the fact that i had blood on me everytime i shat, and i went to the doctor. he inserted something called a protoscope and checked my ass out. literally. it was.. an enlightening experience. like now i know how anal sex feels like, and im rather sure i dont wana try it. so anyway. its been a week since i saw the doctor, and been having the medication. i'm proud to announce that i no longer have blood in my shit. thanks for all the kudos and the grats.

author's footnote.
i am sorry if the latest post, is vastly incoherent. i aim to please, and with enough practise in the coming months i will hopefully get back to writing like before. thank you.
i bless all of you, dont get piles.

bitter taste.

2006-10-03T02:07:00.000+08:00

tonight reminded me of why i wanted to leave singapore so badly then. didn't matter where i went or what i did ( to a certain degree ), but i definitely wanted an escape route out of here. pronto.

its not just thinking that the grass will be greener on the other side, no. i simply want a new environment to be in. with new people. because i loathe singaporeans. yes i'm one too. but i'm not like the people i loathe.

some day i will get out of here. forsaking all friendships, family.
maybe i'll leave with you.
ma cherie.

torn tutu.

2006-08-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

you see the problem is, when the gf is happy nothing can stop her from wanting to take a pretty picture of herself. not even a tempting offer of $3.14.

look. with me, she looks better. why? cuz i look ugly and it makes her look better.

this was on the eve of the national day when i went to see fireworks with kerrie. after squeezing with all sorts of people(regardless of race,language or religion), i couldnt be bothered to follow the bleeding rules. kerrie promptly caught me in the act and sent the picture to the local authorities.
bugger.

in the dead of the night.

2006-07-09T06:06:00.000+08:00

i dont give a rat's ass about what you think of me. ok so maybe i do. fuck you.

only during moments like these i feel that i'm most alive. where in the darkness i'm kept company by the silence. where my thoughts hidden in my deepest recesses come alive. it makes everything i say/do seem so.. inconsequential.

5 years ago in my life i was an angsty youth. pigheaded, i didn't listen to my best friends when it mattered the most. like sometimes when you gotta let go, you gotta let go. perhaps things/my life would have turned out in a different manner. skipping the needless pain and misfortune.

the thing is, there really is no point talking about the past. people always say. i think its important to always remind oneself of the stinging memories. it spurs me on, and reminds me to not commit the same stupid things. not most of them anyway. but some of the things i've said and always been maintaining still holds true to this day.

do you think a person no matter how good you think they actually are, could be actually crazy and have insane thoughts? because within every person's dark side, also lies one or a few of their deepest and most intimate fear/secrets? or vice versa, within a person slapped with a life sentence could find it in them to turn over into a new leaf, deperately wanting to give back what they ripped from society. i think, all it takes, is a little bit of faith and trust. a little bit of faith and trust, for one to open up those deepest, most intimate locks within. it may well be the last thing you do in life no matter how long you take to pluck up courage to do it. but at least, at the very least. do it. its what the people around you deserve. those who really care. if you can find one.

ups, and downs.

2006-07-03T15:36:00.000+08:00

hows this picture to remind who we were? lol

its true, time does pass quickly when you least expect it. how else could you explain.. suddenly i'm going to be ORDing and my best friends are enlisting/enlisted?

we've been through so many roller coaster rides ever since this crazy bunch of us got together. friends have came and gone, arguments have been aplenty but we hold strong still. wasn't it so much fun when chalets were twice a year? haha. we were actually young then. look! we're 20 now.

the last chalet was fun. maybe even more so cuz its the first we've had together in years, and the last we're gonna have for some time to come(probably). suddenly we rolled back the years.

looking back, and looking on to the bond of brotherhood(pardon the cliche) we have now. i could never have asked for a better bunch of maniacs to call my friends.

and because i'll be sailing and i wont be able to say take care,
take care the three of you! have fun in tekong and come out safe.

holiday to batam.

2006-06-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

another sailing trip to another place. most probably i'll sail one day to batam and then spend 3 days there, then another 1 day back to singapore. not bad i guess, get to catch up with some sleep. haha. of course it means i dont get to see the gf, which is not very good at all. but she needs time to study so.. its a good chance.

nowadays i rarely blog. a little too busy, preoccupied with straightening up my life. army, kerrie. i guess these are the only two actually. haha. i need to leave by 7 tomorrow and im not packed yet. ah fuck it. i'll pack tmr. im gonna SLEEEP!

but before that. we had a good dinner today! at tpy's siesta sushi something restaurant. whatever. darlin managed to fast for 30hrs. thats some feat. haha i love you baby! good endurance!

cheers!

2006-05-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

never thought it'd be my turn to find paradise here.
but here we are, together.
i found out how i could smile again in your eyes.
my cute frenchwoman.

2006-04-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

we walked in through the frosted glass door. two hours past, and everything was made to seem like a particularly bad nightmare. we are however, still in reality.
tomorrow will herald a new beginning for us.

2006-04-16T00:16:00.000+08:00

a happy birthday to me.

2006-03-20T02:10:00.000+08:00

cue the cheesy romantic music,
happily ever after.
put the demons down to rest,
ours.
play the ballad,
lets dance.

rabbits.

2006-03-19T01:21:00.000+08:00

the yearn for your embrace grows everyday.
your grin keeps me sane.
the poison that is ours, for time to come.

Which mental disorder do you have?

2006-01-15T13:11:00.000+08:00

You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets.

Unipolar Depression

92%

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

50%

Borderline Personality Disorder

42%

Eating Disorders

33%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

25%

Schizophrenia

17%

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com

wow. seems like i'm kinda depressed.

you..

2005-07-29T03:06:00.000+08:00

my life is brilliant.
my love is pure.
i saw an angel.of that I'm sure.
she smiled at me on the subway.
she was with another man.
but i won't lose no sleep on that,
'cuz i've got a plan.you're beautiful.

you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw you face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

yeah, she caught my eye,
as we walked on by.
she could see from my face that i was,
fucking high,
and i don't think that i'll see her again,
but we shared a moment that will last,
till the end.

you're beautiful.you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw you face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.
you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you.
but it's time to face the truth,
i will never be with you...

you.

2005-06-06T20:38:00.000+08:00

had a drive
driven by your love
but when you messed around
i lost the drive I found

thought you needed
needed someone true
but you changed your mind
or had I failed you?

wish you’d been
careful with my heart
but you tore it apart
and broke an angel’s heart

the kiss was true
has to end somehow
but I am livin’ proof of what love is about

it’s hard holding you
loving you, losing you
it’s sad to be true
and be fooled by you
i don’t know
i gotta know
should I stay or should I go?

you played me on
played me like a clown
but I feel for you
eventhough I’m down

my heart is heavy
heavy like a rock
but I am so amused
you’re still in my thoughts

should I stay?
should I go?

this time its done
it’ll never feel the same
but we had some good times
guess it’s sad just the same

i guess the truth
doesn’t matter somehow
but you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

me to you.

2005-03-20T12:54:00.000+08:00

am I real?
do the words I speak before you
make you feel
that the love I have for you
will see no ending?

well, if you look into my eyes
then you should know
that you have nothing here to doubt
nothing to fear
and you can lay your questions down
cuz if you'll hold me
we can fade into the night
and you'll know

the world could die
and everything may lie
still you shall cry
cuz time may pass
but longer than it'll last
i'll be by your side

take my hand
and gently close your eyes
so you could understand
that there's no greater love tonight
than what I've for you
well, if you feel the same way for me
then lets go

we can journey to a garden no one knows
life is short, my darling
tell me that you love me

so we can fade into the night
and I'll be by your side
forever by your side
so you won't cry again..

something again..

2005-03-13T15:20:00.000+08:00

i think I’ve already lost you
i think you’re already gone
i think I’m finally scared now
you think I’m weak - but I think you’re wrong
i think you’re already leaving
feels like your hand is on the door
i thought this place was an empire
but now I’m relaxed - I can’t be sure

i think you’re so mean - I think we should try
i think I could need - this in my life
i think I’m just scared - I think too much
i know this is wrong it’s a problem I’m dealing

if you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home
there’s an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
if you’re gone - baby you need to come home
cuz there’s a little bit of something me
in everything in you..

my mind.

2005-03-13T11:23:00.000+08:00

well he can't sleep at night
and he can't do what's right
it was all because she came into his life
it's a deep obsession, taking up his time

she's all that he wants, she's all that he needs
she's everything he just won't believe
take away his doubt, turn him inside out
then she can see what he's been dying to say
but things don't always turn out that way

and he must confess
all the impure thoughts of his beautiful temptress
although he keeps it all bottled up inside
although he keeps it all safe within his mind..

i don't expect the sky of you
i will always love you.
these five words i swear to you.

Some rantings, very true, very true.

2005-01-02T04:20:00.000+08:00

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

FUNNY SHAT.

2004-10-23T02:11:00.000+08:00

Some funny names translated into dialects.. It's a mixture of hokkien, cantonese and chinese.

Selling Curry - Michael Lee (pronounce in Cantonese)
Selling Chicken Egg - Michael Tan (pronounce in Cantonese)
Chicken hawker (male) - Michael Low, Loh (pronounce in Cantonese)
Selling Scissors - Michael Toh (pronounce in Cantonese)
King of selling chicken - Michael Ong
Dun shake - Mike Yeo (in Hokkien)
Food turning bad - Charles Sng (in Hokkien)

Seow Ting Tong (insane man)
Toh Boon Tang (rubbish bin)
Ng Chye See (never die before)
Chia Leow Bee (waste rice and grains)
Chin Kang Kor (very bad situation)
Teo Seng Kwee (act deity act ghost)
Oh Kwee Tau (pimp)

Anne Chang - Dirty
Anne Chin - Keep quiet
Faye Chen - Dusty
Carl Cheng - Buttock
Monica Cheng - Touching your buttocks
Lucy Leow - You are dead
Jane Tan - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow - Lost till death
Henry Mah - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai - Poor fellow
Paul Chan - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong - Rubbish bin
Carmen Tng - Leg hair long
Connie Mah - Call your mother
Danny See - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai - Nose droppings
Macy Koh - Never die before

fucking funny. i.. laugh till.. ROFLMAO